Love is Real, Real is Love
by Shinylane1.2
Summary: She's endured so much in her life- she's seen some of the worst. And yet, she's lived through it all. But the one thing she'd never be able to survive is the loss of the one person who's kept her happy and breathing since she emerged from the dark shadows


**Hi! Thanks for falling upon my fic.**

**Just a warning, this story may require the use of several tissue boxes.**

**Wednesday-Present**

Kate sat there with her head resting in the palm of her left hand. Her right hand was playing with her long, glistening brown hair, pretending it was him right beside her. She heard the doors of the OR open, and her gaze looked immediately toward the man descending from the double OR doors. It was Dr. Marcus, and the sight of him in his scrubs made her pounce from her chair.

"Is he alive?" were the first worried words that escaped her lips as soon as he was in earshot.

Dr. Marcus nodded, although it was hesitant, "Yes, Mr. Castle is alive." She smiled, although something about his expression frightened her.

"What? What is it?"

"Procedure is useless. The tumor wasn't caught in time for repair to be done. I'm sorry, but there's nothing we could've done."

She frowned, unable to detach her eyes from the doctor's. "I thought you said he was alive."

"He is. He was put under anesthetic for the operation, but lucky we checked his scans. The tumor has grown too big, once we realized there was nothing that could be done, we decided to refrain from surgery."

"No, _he _signed the papers, he knew what dangers were involved with this route, and we chose to take them." She became hysterical. "He is strong, alright? I know him, and he won't give up this easy! I won't let him!"

"It's not him that's giving up, it's his body. He's gone approximately 6 months with a growing brain tumor, and I'm afraid that he can't take anymore. Death would've been inevitable during the procedure, so we stopped it so you could be with him for a few more moments." Dr. Marcus's voice was stern, informative, but he had a warming hand on her shoulder for reassurance.

She kept the tears from falling, holding her stomach as new feelings arose, "I don't understand."

"We have him on a defibrillator, which is breathing for him. He'll wake up in a few moments and that will keep him alive until we shut them off- at your request, of course." He paused before repeating, "He'll wake up and you'll be able to see him."

She sighed, ignoring the emotional drainage from the last few days as it probed her, unrelentingly, 'How long?"

"A couple hours, at the most. He won't feel any pain, I can assure you of that, Mrs. Castle." She was quite for a while, shaking her head in defiance, "Go see to your husband. When he wakes up, you're the one he's going to want to see."

**_Friday-Past_**

_"It's just a headache?" She questioned, examining his skull with her fingers._

_"Not just a headache, more like Attack of the Clones has invaded my brain." He humored, eyes squinting from the light of the bedroom._

_"You said that yesterday. You should know better than to repeat your cheesy jokes, I can only take so much." She smiled when she heard his chuckle from above. Without her heels, she was a few inches shorter than him, and she loved to look up at his tall figure. She loved standing on the tips of her toes just so their eyes were level. "Maybe you should see a doctor, you've been having them for a week now." She let go of his face and he looked down at her, their eyes locking._

_"Nah," he excused, "I'll wait it off."_

_She shot him a skeptical look, "Don't make me worry about you Richard Castle. If it gets worse, promise me you'll let me take you to the doctor."_

_He gave her a smile, exposing his pearly whites. Slowly, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in close. She could smell the cologne on his shirt. Her jade greens looked up at him and she cocked her eyebrow. His smile grew and he pecked her on the lips. "I promise."_

**Wednesday-Present**

Kate sat with him, stroking his arm lightly, gliding her fingertips across his skin; up to his shoulder, back down to his wrists. Finally, she rested the palm of her hand in his, allowing her thumb to smooth over the surface of his forefinger. He was usually awake before her in the mornings, so when she would wake up, he was usually staring at her or holding her hand, a smile on his face. But today his hands were much too cold for her liking, so she squeezed them tightly, hoping to warm them up. With that, his eyes opened slowly, and she could finally see him.

"Hey." She said as he regained consciousness. Tears filled her eyes as she saw his beautiful deep-sea blue irises gaze back at her.

"Hey." He replied hoarsely with a weak smile. Waking up to see her smiling at him was the most comforting thing he'd experienced. "Did it work?" she asked curiously, looking intently around the room and then back at her.

She sniffled and a tear rolled down her cheek. She wanted to say yet, she would've given anything to tell him that the surgery went exactly as planned, and their life would continue as normal. Her face must've given it away because she watched painfully as his smile slowly washed away along with the bitter hope in his eyes. "No." she confirmed, shaking her head and looking down at her fingers in embarrassment. "It didn't work." She squeezed his hand again slightly- his cold and clammy hands that matched so perfect with his pale face. She watched as his eyes began to water, and his eyebrows furrowed, finally allowing the terrified look to take form on his face. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard to welcome to news, knowing their was nothing that could change it.

"Am I dying?" he asked so quietly, as if the quieter he said it the less true it would become. It was his secret now, the only thing he didn't want anyone including himself to know.

She nodded, "Yeah… you're on a defibrillator." She bit her lower lip, trying to stop the tear flow that as now seeming incessant.

Slowly, he entwined their fingers hoping not to let go, "I'm so sorry, Kate." He whispered, trying to hide the fear in his now shaky voice.

Kate moved herself from the chair so that she was sitting on the side of the hospital bed, grasping his hand. She kissed it, but left it up towards her face for a moment, "I love you." She let the tears roll from off her face onto his hand.

"I love you too." He whispered back, "Thank you for all you've done for me. "

"No… no, I should be telling _you_ that." She sobbed, burying her face in their hands. He draped his big arm around her, pulling her into a laying position next to him on the bed. She scrunched up closer to him, snuggling her face against his neck.

"It's okay." He assured her, kissing the top of her head. She noted silently that she was trembling- from fear? She didn't want him to go with that lingering inside. "How much time do I have?" he asked, breaking the silence between them.

She sniffled again, "A couple of hours, until they turn off the machines. They said for us to take as long as we need."

He lifted his IV pierced hand and brought his pointer finger up to her chin, lifting it slightly so he could look at her, "You still smell like cherries."

They had been sitting there for a while in complete silence. The only noise was the sound of his deep and heavy breaths, which she had been monitoring by watching the rise and fall of his chest. She had even placed her hand into the crevice of his chest just to feel the beating of his heart. It was getting weaker and the once strong rhythm no longer pulsed lively through his skin.

It was silent, although none of them need to say anything. It was easier for them both to accept it when they were cuddled up together. She was grateful now, that Dr. Marcus had stopped the procedure to give them their time. They could understand each other perfectly through the silence.

He kept his arm draped around her shoulders and rested it back around on her stomach, their fingers still locked unbreakably together. The warmth of their bodies next to each other assured him that she would still be alive, that he wouldn't be taking her with him.

After moments of emotional draining silence, Kate shifted so that he lips met the side of his neck and she kissed it softly. As she opened her eyes, she saw his teeth peaking from behind his lips. "Remember our wedding?" she asked, still smiling.

"How could I forget?"

"You, dressed in a beautiful white gown- looking more stunning thatn anything this world has seen." He said, "I remember your hair was pinned loosely with two little curls dangling behind your ears. A soft touch of makeup, but not enough to displace your natural beauty. And your mother's necklace and father's watch." He chuckled although the hearty laugh barely escaped his lips. "Ah, you're a lovely woman, Kate. You and Alexis both. How on earth did I get so blessed?"

She couldn't stand to look at him anymore, knowing that we would be a memory soon. That the concrete him would disappear. She buried her nose into the part where his neck met his shoulders. She closed her eyes, "I hope this is just a bad dream. I hope I'll wake up in just a second and you'll be sitting up laughing at me for talking in my sleep."

"It wouldn't be the first time."

Wednesday

She couldn't believe how fast all of it had happened. A month ago, they were just living like normal people, taking daily walks in the park like newlyweds even though they were far from it. Her eyes began to water again and she realized that even then, he had had the tumor. Even then he was slowly dying and she didn't stop it. She should've connected the dots faster: headaches, buzzing, the fainting. She hadn't caught it in time. Those thoughts overwhelmed her for a moment before she remembered what he had said when the doctors had confirmed it was a tumor, _"Whatever happens, Kate, we did the best we could. You more than me. I love you, and there's nothing you could've done differently to be the perfect wife you are." _

"Tell me a story." He said weakly, and with his wheezing breaths, she knew he was slipping.

More tears tracked down her face, but she hid them, briskly wiping her sleeve along her cheekbone. "What story do you want to hear?"

"Our story," he replied, "Tell me our story."

She nodded, grasping his arm tighter and squeezing his hand again, "Okay, here's our story. There was this detective, Detective Kate Beckett of the NYPD who was forced to working with a certain author on a case- her favorite author no less."

She replayed their life together as bickering idiots in the precinct- solving case after case- murder after murder, but too stupid to see the signs.

Then she spoke of their life as lovers- tales of their carefree life before the tumor had invaded it only days ago. She recalled when they dance. Neither one of them were all that good of dancers, but that didn't matter to them, they were too in love.

"The truth it," she finished, "This certain detective was drowning until she met him. He pulled her from the darkness she had been hiding in. He had proven to her that there was a way out of her fear, her wall. And for her, that was him."

When she held her head back again to look at him, his eyes were shut. "I like that story." He said, his voice barely audible now. "You're a good story teller."

It was only a few minutes later that his firm grasp on her hand began to fall weak, and it got heavier in her hand, the cold turning colder. She felt his body falling limp against her.

"It's time Kate."

She wish she didn't know exactly what he was talking about.

"Time for what?" she wanted to ask, "Time to start planning our anniversary vacation? Time to start a family? Time for Alexis' to visit?"

But she didn't. Instead, she just watched him for a moment. She didn't want him to go, but it wasn't her decision to make. She signaled to the doctors to shut off the machines.

"Love you." he whispered, "I've always loved you…"

"I love you too." She looked back up at him before repositioning herself so that their eyes were now level. She released the hand that she'd kept on his chest , but left their other fingers entwined. She softly placed a hand on his cheek, pulling it closer to her face. She let their foreheads rest on each other- telepathically communicating- stabilizing his head so that it stayed right with hers. His eyes were closed, and the heat of his breath gave her goose bumps. She arched her neck forwards slightly so she could kiss him on his dry lips. Only this time, for the first time, he didn't kiss back and his hot breath was gone. The heart monitor began to go flat. She closed her eyes, ignoring every machine that confirmed to her that her worst nightmare was true. Her lips lingered on his for a few more seconds before she finally pulled back, although her hand was still touching his face. She realized that it wasn't really him anymore. A few seconds ago it had still been some form of him, but now even that as gone.

"Until tomorrow." She whispered in his ear, knowing that somehow he had heard her. Even if he wouldn't be replying. She closed her eyes, resting her cheek against his and closed her eyes. She didn't know how long it had been when a nurse finally stirred her from her dreams. She knew she had to let him go.

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it (well, actually, you can't really 'enjoy' a death fic), but I hope you found it readable. Let me know what you think of it- even if you hated it, anything will help me learn. I wrote this a while ago, but was too afraid to post it for fear of rejection or hate. So this was my attempt at just throwing something out there. As many of you writers know, reviews fuel fics, so I really appreciate a review!**

**I want to stress to you guys that I would NEVVEERR in a million years want something like this to happen to anyone- I just wanted to try another side that the show will (hopefully) never reach. I know that death fics aren't a fan favorite- so I'll be interested to know what you think.**

**Have a good day, love you guys!**

**Sarah**


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